How To Write Cold Emails That Book Enterprise Meetings (Real Example)

I talk to dozens of reps every week, so many are getting opens, sending hundreds of emails, but still not seeing any replies.

They’re trying to be relevant, they’re doing research, but still can’t get no replies from their prospects.

But the truth is, one small tweak to your cold email can be the difference between getting ghosted and booking enterprise meetings.

I recently broke down two real emails from members of Outbound OS, live on one of our coaching calls. Both were already strong but a few lines were killing the reply rates.

This edition shows what worked, what I changed, and how you can steal it for your own outreach. Let's get into it.

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Now back to the action :)

You get about 40 characters of preview text in the inbox. So a long subject line eats all of it, and the reader sees the subject, "Hi" and a cut off.

But using a short one lets the first line of the email show as well.

The subject on the first email I reviewed was just two words: Shopify Acquisition.

It's short, it's vague, it gets them wondering what the email is about, and most importantly, it looks like an internal email.

That is the key to getting opens from your prospects; if they think it’s a sales email, then they’ll never open it and add it to spam.

You should also always use title case as Lavender ran a study across millions of emails and found it lifted open rates.

So if you’re opens are below 50%, apply these 2 tips today.

The rep in I was reviewing sells an ad tech platform with a Shopify integration, and this email went to ecommerce brands.

It opened with a line like this: "Just on your site, noticed you're running the Shopify pixel.”

Compared to most emails I review it was off to a great start

It shows the rep did the research. If you've done the hard work of checking their site, say so.

Mentioning something specific from their website or LinkedIn makes the email feel personal and relevant.

If your messaging looks like it’s meant for everyone, then nobody will reply, you need to make it seem like it’s designed for the individual.

You can lead with any trigger that makes sense for your offer such as:

Always lead with why you’re reaching out to your prospects.

The next few lines were spot on.

Pain: “Media buyers are usually limited to dynamic retargeting on social media.” This gets them thinking about the issue without calling it out straight away.

Cost of inaction: “You miss out on tons of ways to re-engage Shopify users and improve ROAS.” This ties straight to their KPIs and their number.

The one tweak is a stat. How much does ROAS suffer when you stay limited to dynamic retargeting, and what does the improvement look like on the other side?

Ask ChatGPT to find one from an article. If they ask where it came from, send them the article. In my own sequences to sales leaders, I used the line about how most leaders struggle to hit 1.5x pipeline coverage, and I pulled that from ChatGPT too.

Don't spend an hour hunting for the perfect number. That hour is better spent emailing another 10 to 20 people.

A number makes the cost real and quantifiable.

For social proof, I use before, after, bridge.

Where they are right now with the issue is the before.

Where they want to get to and the desired state, is the after.

The way to go between the two is your product, and it acts as the bridge.

The bigger the distance between the two, the bigger the transformation, and the more they want it.

The email said the client took ROAS from 3,000% to 18,000%. It's a great result. The numbers are so big that the reader has to stop and work out where they're actually going, plus it seems a bit far fetched lol.

We swapped it for one simple line: “increased ROAS 6x.”

Now it has the same outcome but reads much better.

This was the part making the email look wordy. It explained exactly how the integration retargets users based on Shopify event data, from first purchase to repeat purchase to abandoned cart.

Nobidy cares about the mechanism as much as they care about where it’s going to get them. In your emails, always sell the destination.

Think about booking a holiday. You picture the beach, and the plane ride barely crosses your mind.

The technical detail is the plane flight. Your social proof is the beach. The goal of the email is to sell the call, and the call is where you explain how it works.

Trim it to something like this: “which lets ecommerce brands retarget users based on Shopify event data.”

Then close with a value prop CTA: “if we could help you increase ROAS through retargeting, would that be worth a chat?”

Or use a simple one: mind if I share the case study?

Both work, so A/B test them.

I'd also recommend cutting the line about trying to reach their team. It sounds like you've been ignored, which gives them a reason to ignore you too.

After the edit the email came in at 100 to 125 words and read much faster.

The email sells the call. The call sells the solution.

You can watch the full video where I break down both templates with before-and-afters of the new ones ready to be used below:

If you’re struggling to book meetings with cold email, this video should cover it.

So go check it out.

If you watch the video, you’ll see the full breakdowns.

But if you’re sending your emails today and want quick fixes here they are:

Do those 3 things and your next cold email will be a lot easier to reply to. I can promise that.

Let me know what you thought by replying to this email. I'll see you next week.